Are You There God? It's Me, Katie.

I am having a hard time having faith in God's greater plan this week.

It feels like TL and I can't catch a break.

The week started out with TL and I having a conversation about what our next steps will be with our baby making.  Our month long break is coming to an end and I can feel the anxiety creeping back in.  When I think about scheduling doctor's appointments, my stomach churns.  TL must be feeling the same way because he finally confessed that sometimes he wonders if we should take a longer break from the doctors to see if we can get pregnant again naturally.

This scares me.

I am not ready to give up.

I am not ready to wait/waste years for the possibility of getting pregnant.

I want to be pregnant now.  Is that so wrong?

One of the main reasons we took a break this past month was financial.  We were not financially prepared for infertility.

We needed this month to catch up.

Little did we know our poor Sweet Pea would become incredibly ill.

On Tuesday, Tyler took Sweet Pea to the vet after days of being lethargic and not acting herself.  We thought it was another bout of her immune mediated poly-arthritis, which is why we didn't take her sooner.  The vet diagnosed her with immune mediated hemolytic anemia.  Basically, her immune system has been attacking her red blood cells.  Her red blood cell count was at 6% (normal is 35%).  They told us that if she didn't have a blood transfusion that night, she would die.

$1200 and three blood transfusions later, we are in a waiting game to see if the medicine will stop her immune system from attacking her blood.

Every morning we take her to get her levels checked.

Every morning we prepare ourselves that this could be our last day with her.

So, I ask, are you there God?

Because I am really starting to wonder.